Christian Psychology

Book Review: The 5 Languages of Apology

5 languages of apologyGary D. Chapman and Jennifer M. Thomas

Subtitle: How to Experience Healing in all Your Relationships

Publisher: Northfield Publishing

Pages: 288

List Price: $14.99

ISBN: 978-1881273790

Have you ever had a disagreement with spouse, friend, or coworker and the apology given didn’t mend your hurt feelings? Or maybe you tried to apologize only to have your apology rejected. Possibly your apology didn’t match the style of the receiver. 

Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas discuss the various apology styles in The Five Languages of Apology. Apologies can range from a simple “I’m sorry” to restitution. One man, successful in his lifetime dream of a sports career, had an affair. To make amends, he gave up his dream and quit sports, thus taking himself out of temptation’s way. His wife didn’t ask him to do that, but it saved his marriage. 

Sometimes the receiver responds well to a gift. Another recipient might feel offended.  

Chapman writes like an educated man. He doesn’t use jargon or three-syllable words, but The 5 Languages of Apology is not a conversation over the table at Starbucks. The book reads well but the style is a little dry.

I received this book from Moody Press. 

Book Review: Things I Wish I'd Known Before We got Married

Things I Wish I'd knownGary Chapman

Publisher: Northfield Publishing

Pages: 176

Price: $12.99

ISBN: 978-0802481832

Publication Date: August 24, 2010

When newly married, Gary Chapman and his wife found their attitudes about everything strikingly at odds, although they shared their Christian faith. Happily-ever-after eluded them. He says many marriages falter before the seven-year mark because of unmet expectations. 

He talks about family influences, religious differences, accepting the personality differences in the other person even when the spouse breaks the dishes in the dishwasher. He discusses sex, money styles, children: whether to have them and how to raise them. He covers the unexpected problems that can take the fun out of marriage. He says the “tingles” usually disappear after the first two years. At that point, the couple needs more to keep the marriage going.

He also refers to The 5 Love Languages and The 5 Apology Languages, two books written by him. If you have read those, you will find those chapters repetitive.

Though he and his wife are Christians, he wrote this book for all faiths. Gary Chapman directs Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. People considering marriage can take away much from his professional advice.

Those making a lifetime decision based only on the tingles might discover some nonnegotiables here. For example, a wife may treat the husband as her mother treated her father. If the mother has a trait the husband can’t stand, will he hate his wife for the same trait? Is it something she would work to change?

Things I Wish I Had Known Before I Got Married is written by a professional psychologist. Gary Chapman doesn’t speak with jargon or three-syllable words, but he does speak like an educated man. It doesn't feel like a conversation at Starbucks.

I received this book from my church library